Sacred River Musings - Fr. Paul

Jul 29, 2010 | 6 Comments

Dear Friends in the Passion,

It had been a very hot, humid day, oppressive in many ways.  The house was quiet; all in the Passionist Community had turned in for the evening, with the exception of me.  We had just gone through a very busy time at the Center and I was physically and emotionally tired.  But I had found my way up on the roof once again for a few moments of peace and quiet, reflection and prayer.

The Great Hudson River seemed still in the darkness, except for a river barge making its way towards Manhattan. A half moon slowly made its east to west journey across the sky offering some light to this night scene, though it was a muted light as the haze that had filled the day hung in its way.  A gentle breeze made my lofty nest comfortable on this midsummer’s night.

I sat reflecting on all that has happened over the past several months, all the meetings, discussions and questions.  All the struggles to keep emotions in check as the Passionist Community tried to plan for the future.   I thought about our employees, volunteers and retreatants.  I relived those four days in the middle of May when the decision to close this Center was finally made.  I rethought the letter to all the retreatants telling them of the Center’s closing that I had written just a few weeks earlier and the struggle I had writing it.

I had continually lived and relived all of this a million times over the past few months and in a practical, intelligent way I knew we, the Passionists, had made the right decision.  No matter how many times I looked at the numbers and the reality of our situation as a Spiritual Center I knew we had to do this in order to move on into the future in a positive way.  The Spiritual Center could not sustain itself anymore and the Passionist Community could not subsidize it. Yes, it would affect the lives of many people but it was the right thing to do, there were no other options.

I have told myself over and over, this was not about bad ministry; it was about diminishment and economics.  The ministry here at the Spiritual Center from the beginning has been first rate and in my ten years as director I was always proud of the retreat team, the employees, the volunteers, the Passionists and myself because we truly celebrated faith filled ministry for all who came through our doors!

Yet, as I sat there with all these thoughts racing through my mind I could not avoid the doubt that lingered, had I failed?  Had I let retreatants, employees and the Passionists down? What was it that I had done wrong?  Had I truly given up?  Was all of this my fault?

I know my short comings as a person and that I had not been the best man for the job, I had been the only man for the job ten years ago.  I knew that I had not been a good fundraiser or promoter and there were whispers at a number of Passionist gatherings that I had given up. Yet, I loved this place, the Passionist Community here and the ministry.  I looked forward to each and every retreat weekend.  Many wonderful things had taken place here; many faith filled people had graced this place.  In my ten years here wonderful ministry had happened, many people had found God, and all had been blessed in some way. So why God, had I not been able to save this place, this community, and this ministry?

At that moment, with that last question, my mind went silent.  It was frozen in the midst of that hot humid night.  Frozen like a computer screen when its hard drive cannot process any more information.  The Great River seemed out of focus, all I could do was breathe slowly hoping that my brain would melt in the heat or someone or some thing would reboot me!

It took a while, I am not sure how long, but slowly the Great River came back into focus and the gift that my perch on the roof had come to be over the years came back to life. 

I thought to myself, this is not about mistakes made or things done wrong! It is not about poor or wrong decisions or letting people down.  It is not about faults or failings.  This is about life; this is about a spirit, God’s Spirit!

We might be losing a place and a ministry but for almost three hundred years Passionists have been present to the world bringing the Spirit of the Memory of the Passion of Jesus Christ that God graced our founder, St. Paul of Cross with.  From the very beginning St. Paul of the Cross was about the Spirit of Christ’s Passion, not places, houses or things. Keeping alive the Memory of Christ’s Passion and carrying it in our hearts was the challenge and the gift!

Yes, places can often become important in helping us to live out our faith and I do not deny that this place is important to many including myself but for over 45 years what Passionists, along with countless, employees, lay women and men, volunteers, other religious and retreatants have been about is keeping alive the Spirit of the Memory of Jesus Christ’s Passion and carrying this Spirit in our hearts!  No vote to close, no financial problems and no diminishment of Passionists can take this gift away.  If we believe, then the Passion will always be in our hearts!

The Great River is always there whether I am sitting here on the roof or not.  I will miss my time on the roof, or sitting under the arch, or standing at the edge of the parking lot, or looking out my window.  These places and moments have been great gifts to me over the years. But the fact is that the Great River remains and I can always return to it by keeping alive its spirit within me.  The Great River is as close as my heart.  The gift of this place has always been and will always be the Spirit of Christ’s Passion and its presence in our hearts, a gift that we can never lose!

I look forward to the coming months when we will gather in this wonderful place to celebrate the gift of Christ’s Passion in our hearts.  A gift that no matter where we are is always as close as our hearts! I hope you will consider joining us over the next few months to celebrate this gift in a very special way. Until then…

You are in my prayers…

Peace in Christ’s Passion,

Fr. Paul

Spiritual Center News

Jun 30, 2010 | 5 Comments

Dear Friends in the Passion,

I send greetings once again from the beautiful summer banks of the Great Hudson River!  I hope you are well and enjoy a relaxing summer.

About two weeks ago I was sitting at my desk with a very hard task ahead of me.  I had hoped to never have to write a letter like the one I was about to write. I struggled to find the right words. 

Ten years ago I took over as director of the Passionist Spiritual Center.  I had many hopes and dreams for the Center and looked forward to a long stay as director.  I would even joke with retreatants that I was going to be there for the next 25 years.  While it was a joke there was some truth to it. I wanted to stay for 25 years! Over the past ten years many wonderful things have happened in my life because of the gift of this place and the people I have met here.  I have watched people grow in their relationship with God and I have seen the gift and grace of God touch many people including myself. I have encountered and been helped by many dedicated people some of whom go back to the beginning of the Spiritual Center.  I have ministered along side many faith filled lay people, women and men religious and brother Passionists. And I have had the great gift of living and praying beside the Great Hudson River.

However, the letter I wrote was to sadly informing our retreatants that the ministry here at the Spiritual Center is coming to a close! During the week of May 10-14, 2010 Passionists from around the eastern United States gathered at our Holy Family Monastery and Retreat House in West Hartford, CT for a chapter.  A chapter takes place every four years. It is a time when Passionists get together to review our life, make decisions about the future and elect leadership. During the chapter in May we made a number of decisions about our future and one of these decisions now directly affects our ministry and presence here at the Spiritual Center.

The chapter voted to bring an end to our ministry here at the Passionist Spiritual Center.  Along with the closure of the ministry the property will be placed up for sale or lease.  There are three main reasons for this decision.  First, the Passionist Province of St. Paul of the Cross through which this Center was founded 45 years is having major financial difficulties and is unable to subsidize any of our institutions and ministries.  Secondly, the Passionist Spiritual Center is struggling financially as well.  We have very little money in the bank and we are operating in the “red” with no relief in sight. We cannot make it to next June without asking for financial help from the province, help which the province cannot give us.  Finally, the Passionist Community can no long maintain all of our institutions and ministries due to dwindling resources.

This was a very painful decision for all Passionists, as I am sure it is for you.  It was a decision that was made during the week May 10-14, 2010 but one that has been coming for the last six or seven years.  It was a decision made not in haste but after a long exhaustive process with heavy hearts and many tears!

What does this mean?  Well, the Passionist Spiritual Center will not close until January 1, 2011.  During September, October, November and December 2010 we will celebrate one last retreat season by offering nine retreats for women and men; (4 retreats for women, 4 retreats for men and 1 silent retreat for women and men), one Day of Recollection on December 8, 2010 and a New Year’s Eve Evening of Prayer with a Closing Mass.  You can register for any of the retreats or programs by using the enclosed registration form.  Reservations will be taken on a first come, first served basis. By celebrating these nine final retreats and programs we are offering every retreatant the opportunity to join us to celebrate one last time here at the Spiritual Center.  It might not be your regular weekend or with the group you always come with but it will be an opportunity to celebrate retreat or gather one last time in this beautiful place with people of faith!

The theme for our nine final retreats will be “May the Passion of Jesus Christ Be Always in Our Hearts!” We will celebrate the gift of the last 45 years and look ahead to the new chapter that will begin in each of our lives hopefully in the spirit of St. Paul of the Cross that asks us to always keep Jesus’ Passion in our hearts! It should be a wonderful experience and I am hoping a profoundly graced time in the history of this Spiritual Center. So why not make plans to join us during one of these closing retreats.

In addition to the retreats and programs, on Saturday November 6, 2010 we will take some time to celebrate the gift of this place in a festive way.  We will have a mass and buffet to remember the many wonderful years and people of the Passionist Spiritual Center.  I will let you know more about this celebration in the coming months.

Yes, it is a sad time and we will all have to work through our grief, loss and sadness.  We need to grieve, to remember, but we also need to celebrate! There is an old saying, “When one door closes, God always opens a new door!” What new door will all of us walk through in our faith journey as we bring closer to this place and ministry?

St. Paulof the Cross founded the Passionist Community to keep alive the memory of Jesus Christ’s Passion.  He did not found us to build monasteries, retreat houses, parishes or any other kind of building or ministry.  He found us the keep alive a spirit, a charism.  Over the last 45 years that is what we have tried to offer everyone who has walked through the doors of the Cardinal Spellman Retreat House/The Passionist Spiritual Center.  It is this spirit, this charism of the Passion of Jesus Christ that we hope you will continue to keep alive in your heart as you journey through life in faith.

I hope that you will consider joining us this fall for one of our retreats or programs so that we might celebrate the gift of this place. 

Please keep our employees and volunteers in your prayers as they make this journey into the future! As always you are in my daily prayers.  May the Passion of Jesus Christ Be Always in Our Hearts!

Peace in Christ’s Passion...Fr. Paul