Sacred River Musings - Fr. Paul
Dear Friends in the Passion,
It had been a very hot, humid day, oppressive in many ways. The house was quiet; all in the Passionist Community had turned in for the evening, with the exception of me. We had just gone through a very busy time at the Center and I was physically and emotionally tired. But I had found my way up on the roof once again for a few moments of peace and quiet, reflection and prayer.
The Great Hudson River seemed still in the darkness, except for a river barge making its way towards Manhattan. A half moon slowly made its east to west journey across the sky offering some light to this night scene, though it was a muted light as the haze that had filled the day hung in its way. A gentle breeze made my lofty nest comfortable on this midsummer’s night.
I sat reflecting on all that has happened over the past several months, all the meetings, discussions and questions. All the struggles to keep emotions in check as the Passionist Community tried to plan for the future. I thought about our employees, volunteers and retreatants. I relived those four days in the middle of May when the decision to close this Center was finally made. I rethought the letter to all the retreatants telling them of the Center’s closing that I had written just a few weeks earlier and the struggle I had writing it.
I had continually lived and relived all of this a million times over the past few months and in a practical, intelligent way I knew we, the Passionists, had made the right decision. No matter how many times I looked at the numbers and the reality of our situation as a Spiritual Center I knew we had to do this in order to move on into the future in a positive way. The Spiritual Center could not sustain itself anymore and the Passionist Community could not subsidize it. Yes, it would affect the lives of many people but it was the right thing to do, there were no other options.
I have told myself over and over, this was not about bad ministry; it was about diminishment and economics. The ministry here at the Spiritual Center from the beginning has been first rate and in my ten years as director I was always proud of the retreat team, the employees, the volunteers, the Passionists and myself because we truly celebrated faith filled ministry for all who came through our doors!
Yet, as I sat there with all these thoughts racing through my mind I could not avoid the doubt that lingered, had I failed? Had I let retreatants, employees and the Passionists down? What was it that I had done wrong? Had I truly given up? Was all of this my fault?
I know my short comings as a person and that I had not been the best man for the job, I had been the only man for the job ten years ago. I knew that I had not been a good fundraiser or promoter and there were whispers at a number of Passionist gatherings that I had given up. Yet, I loved this place, the Passionist Community here and the ministry. I looked forward to each and every retreat weekend. Many wonderful things had taken place here; many faith filled people had graced this place. In my ten years here wonderful ministry had happened, many people had found God, and all had been blessed in some way. So why God, had I not been able to save this place, this community, and this ministry?
At that moment, with that last question, my mind went silent. It was frozen in the midst of that hot humid night. Frozen like a computer screen when its hard drive cannot process any more information. The Great River seemed out of focus, all I could do was breathe slowly hoping that my brain would melt in the heat or someone or some thing would reboot me!
It took a while, I am not sure how long, but slowly the Great River came back into focus and the gift that my perch on the roof had come to be over the years came back to life.
I thought to myself, this is not about mistakes made or things done wrong! It is not about poor or wrong decisions or letting people down. It is not about faults or failings. This is about life; this is about a spirit, God’s Spirit!
We might be losing a place and a ministry but for almost three hundred years Passionists have been present to the world bringing the Spirit of the Memory of the Passion of Jesus Christ that God graced our founder, St. Paul of Cross with. From the very beginning St. Paul of the Cross was about the Spirit of Christ’s Passion, not places, houses or things. Keeping alive the Memory of Christ’s Passion and carrying it in our hearts was the challenge and the gift!
Yes, places can often become important in helping us to live out our faith and I do not deny that this place is important to many including myself but for over 45 years what Passionists, along with countless, employees, lay women and men, volunteers, other religious and retreatants have been about is keeping alive the Spirit of the Memory of Jesus Christ’s Passion and carrying this Spirit in our hearts! No vote to close, no financial problems and no diminishment of Passionists can take this gift away. If we believe, then the Passion will always be in our hearts!
The Great River is always there whether I am sitting here on the roof or not. I will miss my time on the roof, or sitting under the arch, or standing at the edge of the parking lot, or looking out my window. These places and moments have been great gifts to me over the years. But the fact is that the Great River remains and I can always return to it by keeping alive its spirit within me. The Great River is as close as my heart. The gift of this place has always been and will always be the Spirit of Christ’s Passion and its presence in our hearts, a gift that we can never lose!
I look forward to the coming months when we will gather in this wonderful place to celebrate the gift of Christ’s Passion in our hearts. A gift that no matter where we are is always as close as our hearts! I hope you will consider joining us over the next few months to celebrate this gift in a very special way. Until then…
You are in my prayers…
Peace in Christ’s Passion,
Fr. Paul
Comments for Sacred River Musings - Fr. Paul
Victor Hoagland, CP
Aug 02, 2010Thanks, Paul, for your reflections. I agree with you: the Passionists have a place, even as places close. We live in faith.
Eric
Aug 06, 2010A beautiful and vivid description of The Great Hudson River.
Roseann Aliano
Aug 07, 2010Inspiring text ! And no, it's not your fault Fr. Paul. Bad economy is doing us all in. And you weren't destined for fundraiding. You're a Soul Saver ! And you do a great job at that ! What you need are civilians to do the fundraising. And we all need to keep His Passion in our hearts. Thanks for the reminder. = ) Roseann
Denise Villamia
Aug 12, 2010Dear Fr. Paul: I was invited to my first retreat there 6 years ago by a co-worker of mine, who realized how much I needed it, after all that I had experienced years before. I was a citizen responder to the horrible attack that took thousands of innocent lives and brought down the twin towers on September 11th, 2001. I was there from early October 2001 through May 2002. In the few years that followed, I didn't realize that I was operating on autopilot, while inside the trauma of it all was building. I fell into a depression and a daily practice of not feeling anything, in order to not have to deal with the obvious questions I had and was struggling with the most.....where was this God I believed in for so much of my life? Why did this happen? Why were so many people murdered so brutally?? I was told of the retreats many times by this co-worker, but always had an excuse to not go, until finally the question came again, and I decided to go. That was 6 years ago, and this would have been my 7th year to make retreat, but unfortunately, I am planning to move to Florida at the end of October, and the two retreats in September that you offer do not fit my schedule due to the September 11th anniversary, and other 9/11 related funtions the weekend after that. But this retreat house saved my life, because it saved my spirit and renewed my faith in God. So it is with a heavy heavy heart that I thank you for your ministry to the retreat house, knowing I will not be able to do so in person, and knowing I will not be able to make a last retreat. Any chance the men would be willing to give up one of their October weekends and give it to the ladies instead???? (just a thought!) So thank you Fr. Paul, Fr. Michael, Linda and Sr. Beatrice for the love and light of Christ you have shed on my life. It will be a terrible loss to not have this retreat house there. God bless and God speed!
Joseph Lupo
Aug 24, 2010I have not attended a retreat in over 20 years. However, I was very involved with and made many retreats in the 1970's and 1980's. I came with the men of my former Parish of Our Lady of Mount Carmel Bronx, New York and with the Young Adult Retreat every May which basically started with Father Mario Gallipoli, C.P. From a group of about 15 it turned into a group of well over 60. The annual retreat, the summer barbecue and different activities during the year stay with me so vividly. Father Jerome Bracken, C.P., Father Ben, Father Nilus, Father Dacien, Fater Donatus are just some of the priests that I remember. The retreats brought be much peace and gave me strength to go back into the world to face the problems and the struggles of daily life. Let's face it, it is so easy to be close to God and "Perfect" while you are in that setting, but quite different when you are out in the "REAL" world Two cousins of my mother, the late Margaret Madio and Clara Marsili were very active with the Ladies Auxiliary and always made the first retreat of the year. They helped in any way possible, expecially with all of the fund raising that took place. I must also mention two men, Joseph Cannizzo and Andy Mante, God Rest their Souls also whom I met and became very friendly with for many years, especially Joe Cannizzo. He was the heavy set guy with glasses and the cigar in his mouth. Very outgoing, friendly and welcoming person who gave many years of volunteer service to the Center to promote retreats. One of his biggest duties was going to different parishes in the Archdiocese and selling the idea of making a retreat and what it was all about. I could go on and on. I am sorry that I drifted away all these years, but Thanks be to God it was only the Retreat House and not my Faith nor the Catholic Church. I hope some people will read this and remember the few priests and people I mentioned, even myself. Just email me at mijo2811@optonline. net. God Bless the Retreat House and the Priests and all the laity who passed through the doors over these past 37 years. Everything changes, that is life. God closes one door and always opens another. Another place somewhere near or far is just waiting for a place like this just as we were all those years ago. God's Peace be to all.
Terri Meilus
Aug 27, 2010I am sorry to learn of the closing of Riverdale House. So sad. I relive the pain of Calvary Retreat Center in Shrewsbury, MA closing and the retreatants sharing stories of days past. I was an Associate and Hospitality Ministry under Fr. John Powers, C.P. I still remain connected at the West Hartford Holy Family Retreat Center and a member of the Confronternity of the Passion. The Passion of Christ will always remain in the hearts of all. God Bless!
Al Pulmano
Sep 10, 2010I'm sadden to hear that the center would be closing. Although , I was only a 4 year retreatant, before relocating to another state. Many of my former parish men of Christ the King , Yonkers, NY had 30 years plus. The weather outside those January weekends was mighty cold, but the welcome by the Priests, Brothers, Staff and Volunteers was always warm and friendly. The workshops were very informative with great fellowship. The spiritual atmosphere examined your faith and brought you closer to the Lord. The memories live on in our hearts. Phil 4:7
E.
Sep 21, 2010If this cannot be a retreat house, then could this work for much needed affordable senior citizen housing ( room with bed and chairs) with an eating facility.